So, this happened 2 days ago during the night …
I was so down that time, I wanted to write but I thought voice can better express my thought at that moment.
There are 2 recordings in total.
Here’s the first recording.
The first thing I did is to tell my psychologist about my condition and feelings because she is the one, besides me, who play an important role in helping me get through all the depressing moment during my recovery journey.
I decided to post it here is because I wanted to record down all the moments of my life. So, in the future, when I read back my journal, I get to look back and be amazed on how much I’ve been through.
Here’s the second recording after I sent the recording to my psychologist. Oh and I added music into the recording so that it doesn’t sound that boring. lol.
And ermm, I fell asleep half way through my recording because I’m so tired. I didn’t get sufficient sleep for these few days, I faced my laptop most of the time and I cried badly at that time, there you go, now it sounds more reasonable for me to fall asleep while I was recording myself.
At the last part of the second recording, I would like to highlight that even though social media influencers always show the positive part of their stories in their videos, they do have the down moments in their life as well. It’s just that they seldom show it to their audience. I used to question myself (why am I living like this, look at you, people get to enjoy what they want but you? etc) when I watch youtubers having great life and people posting insta photos and stories telling people how great their life are. I still question myself sometimes but not that often as I used to be. Before I decided to share my blog to the public, I have considered for a long time whether I should delete some of my posts which involve my personal issues that I don’t want to let people know. In the end, I decided not to because I want to show the public through my blog, that if one day (may or may not) I get to be a social media influencer (actually everyone is a social media influencer, isn’t it? even if only one people get influenced by you through social media, you are still a social media influencer, right?), I want to be the one who shares both the greatness and the downfall of my life. At the same time, I want to tell people that you don’t need to be perfect all the time, it’s okay not to be perfect or not at your best condition sometimes and there is no need to envy other people because you too have your own talent or potential that makes you who you are/that makes you special or different from other people.
Believe in yourself.
That’s what I always tell myself and I’m still working on it.
Till next time, my dear 🙂
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