Do you always experience frustration when you fail to get someone to understand what you are trying to say? If your answer is yes, I’m no different from you. In fact, I get greater frustration when the person is my friend or my family because I thought they know me and I expect that they will understand me better.
I get into these kind of frustrated situation many, many times. Not only with my mum, but also with my friends, during meetings and also presentation. As a reflector (fyi, I always reflect), I started to think, “so is it my problem? is it regarding the word that I use? Or is it regarding the sentence structure? Why cant I convey the same message as good as other people ? ”
There is two ways that we can work on improving our communication with other people and feeling less disappointed. ( The way we think and the way we speak )
- The way we speak. Language competency – English. English is never my 1st language. It is one of my weakness which contributes to part of my low self esteem. I don’t dare to speak when I’m surrounded by people who can speak English fluently because I am worried that I will speak wrongly and get teased or people will laugh at me. And that’s why my English speaking level is always stuck at a certain level. Besides, I tend to make a sentence with Chinese in my mind then only I translate it into English. As we all know, sentence structure in English and Chinese are totally different. So, when I am translating sentence from Chinese into English, disaster happens.
- The way we think. 1st of all, do you agree that sometimes there is something that we can’t express out clearly to people? For example, this is based on my own experience, sometimes I will have some complex feelings which I find it hard to describe it out. In this situation, even you can describe it out, how sure are you that the words you say are 100% correctly and accurately describing how u feel? In this case, we should understand and accept the fact that there are cases, not all, that unlike the copy and paste function of our laptop, we can’t tell exactly (fully, clearly) what’s in our mind. Secondly, how people receive your message affects the success and the quality of a communication as well. Many factors influence the way people interpret your message delivered.
- Their emotional status at the point of conversation. When they are angry, they may wrongly assume the things that you said is intimidating. For example, Person A is concerned about Person B and she offers help: ” Are you okay? I can help you to do this.” If Person B is not in a good mood, he/she may think that ” So you think I cannot handle this?”
- The perception that some people have towards us or history of encounter we had with other people. For example, I lied to Person A before, so when you talk to Person A, he/she will tend to receive the message with doubt.
As a conclusion, what we can do is to improve our language competency and understand that (i) everyone have their own way of interpreting what we say and (ii) words cannot completely describe or express what we feel inside.
I always blame myself when miscommunication happens. I always think that it’s the way that I speak which contribute to miscommunication. In fact, it is more than that. If you are the same as me, think again, is it all your fault? What you can do to make yourself feel less frustrated when miscommunication happens? Maybe you can try the tips that I have provided above.
I hope that this post will make you reflect and improve yourself, even if the degree of impact is small. 🙂 Do share this message to people around you.
Btw, this post is inspired by Xandria Ooi’s video posted on 28th of May. Here’s the link of the video.
Hope you have a good day 🙂
Oh ya, I am listening to “Tender – smoke” while writing this. You can listen to it, if you want to. I will introduce one song/music on my post from now on.
Till next time, with love <3.