Hi, im back hehe. IM REALLY SORRY FOR ABANDONING MY BLOG for so many days. Trust me, I want to update my blog but Im really stuck with my studies, because I tell myself ” LEE JIAJING, you must get enough sleep and never burn midnight oil for this semester exam week” I even aimed to go workout during my exam week. Obviously, I failed. hahahah. k laugh k laugh somemore. Wait wait, before you laugh, lemme tell you smtg, I still manage to achieve smtg during my exam week, I didnt drink coffee at all during these four days of exam. YASS. hashtag achievement. But, it’s quite disappointing that I still get headache when I woke up this morning. It gets more intense in the afternoon after my nap. I need to take a pill to ease the pain.
Oh yea, i rmb in my previous post I mentioned that i will update about my thesis. Funny thing happened lol. I met my mentor and I asked her if the marks for my thesis will get deducted or not, I rmb-ed she said smtg and I did answer her. When she left, I tried to recall what answer she gave me and I totally couldn’t rmb anything she said, wtf, I had the memory capacity of a goldfish, literally. So, I email-ed the module coordinator to find out whether my marks will get deducted or not cuz I’m too embarrassed my mentor again lol. The reply i got was ” can you provide any proof that you passed up your thesis on that day?” To be honest, I felt offended a lil (cant imagine im still not trusted even tho I have been behaving well throughout these three years). But when I think from another aspect, she cant help me without any proof even tho she believe in me that I didnt submit it late (it’s about being fair). Fortunately, I passed up my thesis with my coursemate (my luck isnt that bad eventually), so my friend can be my witness. And this matter ends with my friend sending a formal email to the module coordinator mentioning she can prove that I did pass up my thesis before due date.
My study week at my house was a disaster.
It’s rude to say this, but I felt regret for going back to my house at botanic for my study week. I had food every hour every day, for a week plus. (almost ten days) and I gained 3 kg within 10 days . WTFFFFFF. WTFFFF. it’s depressing, but at the same time, i cant afford feeling bad for it because if im worried that if i try to control it, it will affect my mood and my mind to study. As i mentioned earlier, when my urge to eat comes, my mind will be completely occupied by food and I cant fully focus on other important stuff that Im supposed to focus on. Im really afraid that this will ruin my study week, seriously, and I totally give up to fight with it so i just give in every time the urge hits me. I ended up eating every hour. Lemme show u an example of record sheet on one of the day during my study week.
To be honest, during my study week, I feel like shit everyday, I lost control with my eating pattern, I lost the sense of binge-ing, I eat so frequently and with the large amount of food every hour, im not sure whether im binge-ing or not. I felt like i was giving up on myself at that time, I dont feel like a human/ a living organism at all. Without sound mind, I felt more like a zombie (eat, study, sleep, repeat). I dont allow myself to have a moment of mental breakdown, i just numb myself with food and lecture notes ( but I still have a few moments of major mental breakdown). Once on last last last Thursday (11/5/2017), another one on last last Monday and another one was on last last Tuesday which I had a huge argument with my mum. But i felt so much better when I visited Sping (my psychologist) on Friday of that week. ( I PROMISE I WILL UPDATE ABOUT MY RECENT TWO VISITS TO THE PSYCHOLOGY CENTER IN MY NEXT POST or maybe in my next next post).
Another reason that make me feel sick during my study week was that I felt sleepy and tired very often and very easily. I cant figure out the exact reason but I tried to list out a few. However I cant decide which is the main reason. So I felt sleepy very easily, possible reasons are:
- I strained my eyes too much for looking at my laptop for long hours. ( I like the feeling of studying from my laptop eventho i have the hardcopy of lecture note with me)
- I eat almost every hour, im not sure whether you know anot, when you finished eating, when digestion occurs, your body system tend to pump more blood to your gastrointestinal tract rather than other body parts. When your brain gets less blood, you feel dizzy. Thats why people always feel sleepy when they finished their meal (especailly lunch).
- I dont get enough sleep. During my study week, I always sleep at 1-2am and I tend to shorten my sleeping time just to have more time to study, so i will purposely set alarm to wake myself at 4, den another alarm at 5, 6, 7, etc. So when I sleep back after the first alarm, i will wake up again when the next alarm rings. And i get even tired because of that.
and yes, thats all about my study week.
My study week was boring, cuz I dont hang out with people at all, I dont go to nice places to study this semester and i just stayed at house as much as I can. I dont leave my house unless I need to go out for family dinner and breakfast (sometimes) during weekend or I crave for something. I dont usually study at a fixed place, i have a weird habit of switching places once in awhile (study and/or sleeping). During this study week, I ve been switching spots to study ( reading table, living room, dining table, my grandma’s room, my room and my elder brother’s room). Ohhhh, i just remembered, I even studied in the toilet of my own room lol. HAHAHAHA. every one has their own weird behavior, heh.
I guess I should stop here.
I need to start making plans for my sem break so that my sem break is more fruitful and interesting.
Till next time, peepo. 🙂