Purple is my used-to-be favourite colour. Now, I love red. No reason for that, cause I have no idea what changes me to love red. Sometimes, there’s something that you cant explain.
Please allow me to have moments of depression and whatever negative feelings.
Since I went to university, negative thoughts have taken over my mind most of the time. I still remember my first week of orientation in the new learning environment. I was not ready for staying away from home, was not ready for adapting the new environment, was not ready for meeting new people ( I will never be ready to meet new people ) . I was amazed by how some people can just handle them so well in the new space. I will never forget the first week of having my body staying in the hostel while my heart was no longer there. I used to laugh at people who are being so negative of life. Ironically, I am being one now. There’s this day where i went out with some friends to midvalley and somehow I start to think about the purpose of living in this earth. As we all know, we will die eventually. During the period of being alive, our most valuable asset which is our family will eventually pass away one by one. Having to experience the loss of your loved ones while you are alive plus the fact that you yourself will die eventually – my eyes start to well up at that moment.
Friends. Another thing that I value a lot yet expect too much from them. The moment when you notice you are not in the same status as how you place them in your heart. The moment when you think you can trust them but you realise that they take your secrets as the topic of conversation with others. The moment when you are really down you are having doubts who to approach. The moment when you say good friends or best friends or sisters or buddies and you are doubting it at the same time.
Please allow me to live in moments of grey and black.
Fortunately, I still have time to pull myself from the black hole.
Someone said, you should grow up. Think for others not only yourself.
Fortunately, I still have numerous years of time to grow , to know myself better, to spend time with myself, to learn and to change.
Please allow me to have dislike and hatred.
I will still learn to forget and forgive.
I will still cherish my friends, my family.
I will still learn to love what I do.
Please allow me to make some mistakes.
I am just a human.
I make mistakes just like everyone does.
Maybe some of my mistakes are the serious ones, but I still wish to be forgiven.
From now on, I shall be released from my guilt.
Lastly, hi, Im back again, To my private space.
You decide to come to my place means you care.
Since you care, love me for who I am but don’t judge.