They say your life will be a failure if you keep on making the wrong decisions or picking the wrong choices. I often fall for the wrong guy.
For example, R. He is the only person that im serious with in my past relationships. We knew each other through tuition. Just like the others, we started by texting each other, talking on the phone. Not long after that, we became a thing. The first few months was the happiest moment in my life. Many of my first time experiences are with him. The first kiss, The first warm hug, The first guy that i cried for, The first guy which makes me spend my midnight talking on the phone with him, The first guy which i makes so much effort just to get to meet with him, The first guy which makes my heart beats super duper fast, The first guy which makes me nervous whenever i know i ll get to see him. At that moment, i really thought that he will be my future husband and i started to have thoughts that what our future life will be. Through the-crazy-in-love-with-him moment, i can prove that, when a girl truly loves someone, she will put her whole attention on that someone. No matter how hot is the other guy, the guy will be just a piece of shit in her eyes. Unfortunately, our relationship just lasts half a year. Many things which casue this to happen. My insecurities, i always argue with him over little things and sometimes things which are so damn ridiculous. But the main reason is that the love he had towards me faded. Our love story ended in a stupid way, which he dont even bother to ask the reason of breaking up. Tears are more than laughter in this relationship. I cried myself to sleep every night after the breakup. I ve tried alot of ways just to get him back, but it turned out to be a waste of enery. Once it is over, it is. There is no starting it over again. It really takes a long time for me to really let go of him. We couple for half a year, but i take one year and a half to let go. Dafuq, the one year and a half was really tough and torturing. I still stay in contact with him for the one year and a half even till now. I ve been through countless sleepless nights, his big lies, countless heartbreaks, tears, hopeless moment, disappointment, frustrations, low self esteem… During this moment, he fell in love with other gals and im stupid enough to be his listener when he is having problems with the gals, and im stupid enough to accompany him to let go of the gals. im dimb enough to believe what he said. He said im always the best and he wished to get back to me once he let go of them. Imagine that u re in love with someone and the someone always mention of other gal infront of you, and the someone cried for other gals and the someone finds you when he thinks of other person. you know , he is using you, but you still let him to. Now, after letting go, looking back at the moments we spent together, i only realise his bad side. Immature . Recently, i find him annoying. I ve tried not to talk to him as often as i did in previous days. He still call me sometimes eventhough i turn off his call eventhough i told him i dont want to pick up the phone, eventhough i talked to him with being-annoyed voicetone. Keeping in touch with ur ex does nothing good and it may ruin your new relationship. So i ended up blocking him in facebook yesterday night. Maybe it is true that lovers which break up should just stay as strangers.
nowadays, Many things happen, good and bad.
I ve done things which im not sure if its right or wrong.
i dont want things to turn out bad with what decision i made.
I ask myself again and agian, doubting myself, if its the right thing to do
Fuck, i dont know. No answers i can get eventhough i keep on repeating asking myself again.
Take it easy, they said. Easy to say.
People spread rumours. People trust rumours more than what u say. So what for making effort to explain.
Trust between friends are important. Especially between buddies.
dont try to test people. Its just a sign of not trusting.
Aquarius, stop thinking too much, because it will just worsen the situation u are in. You will just create problems which shouldnt exist.
Aquarius, we used to have memorable moments together , spending the time after skul talking, we viber each other everyday , we even talk on the phone when we cant get to sleep. i do appreciate you. i know you care about me even though you often say u dont care at all. You enjoy to figure things out, guessing what people are thinking, guessing whats happening to people. Twitter is a place where we get to express what is on our mind and we get to tweet whatever we want. I like to tweet about everything, random thoughts, random things i ve seen and even things that i myself also dont understand. Often you will come and ask me, whats my tweet about, what happens to me. I tend to forget things easily and you know that, sometimes i cant even remember whats my tweet about which i tweeted few hours ago. And when i cant remember the answers for your question, you tend to think that i purposely dont want to share to you, like i did it on purpose, like i wasted your effort to care about me. I just wish that you could understand my situation. Sometimes i said i dont remember that means i really dont remember, no matter how hard i try to remember , the thing just dont come back to my mind. Everyone has secrets, so do I and so do you. Sometimes you have secrets which you dont want to tell people, so do I. Sometimes people dont share their secrets to you not because they dont trust you, its because they promised to people not to tell anyone. Why cant you understand. i trust you but at last what did i get. I said it is meant to be a secret and you ended up telling other person. i asked if you got tell anot, and you still lied that you didnt tell others. i gave you chances, but you dont want to be honest. You want people to share with you, but can you really keep it between us? sometimes you should jian tao before you point your fingers to others. i know you need time to accept this, maybe you will think that what i said is all rubbish, then, go ahead with your this attitude and continue your life. i ve done my part as a friend giving you advices. To take it anot, it is your choice. i still take you as my good friend, i will still ask how are you doing when i see you, i will still listen to your problems if you want to share.