23 years old

To be honest, at the age of 23, I still have expectation for birthdays.

I still wish to receive birthday wishes and birthday gifts.

You may wonder, so why did I hide my birthday date on FB and Snapchat?

here’s why, I look forward to birthday wishes from the people I care, like my family, my close friends, my relatives and of course, my imaginary pet dog (Rocky). To me, it’s quite annoying to layan other people’s birthday wish no matter in real life or on social media. First of all, I hate to have to comment on everyone’s birthday wishes that people posted on my FB wall because it’s rude not to do so. Besides, I don’t like my FB wall being fully-occupied by birthday wishes, NO-No. Things get even worse for me when it comes to real life. When people know it’s your birthday, they will come to you and wish you ‘Happy Birthday’, including those that are not that close to me and those that you only say hi/bye to them (cuz besides hi and bye, there’s nothing else to say). It’s kinda uncomfortable for me to have to say thank you again and again. Plus, my smile is not genuine all the time, its hard for me to put up a smile all the time, I might fake a smile sometimes and people may notice it (drama happens after that).

Okay, moving on,

So,my birthday celebration is pretty dull this year. I missed those years where your friends plan a surprise for you or a group of friends go for dinner just to celebrate your birthday. Good ol’ days. hmm.

22/4/17 – I actually make a schedule for this day, Let’s see how much I ve achieved:

7+am – jogging/ workout  Image result for wrong sign without background ( I failed to wake up early, I missed my alarm T.T)

9am – breakfast Image result for correct sign without background ( I will fail everything, except this, lmao)

9.30am – Modify my slides for thesis presentation Image result for correct sign without background ( I have no idea why I always take so long to do presentation slides, I use hours to modify it tho, I managed to finish it after my dinner LOL)

12pm – facial Image result for correct sign without background(yep, I will never fail this as well, cuz I have missed my facial for so many monthssssss)

2.30pm – self reflective report Image result for wrong sign without background

evening – dinner with my bud. Image result for correct sign without background ( BLACK MARKET WITH OOILIN YO)

So yea, basically that’s how I spend my ‘birthday’ day.

Yesterday night, something weird happened, so my ex boyfriend decided to meet me up cuz he prepared a birthday gift for me. I was thinking to myself “whuttttt? why? why now? whats happening, what is this?” So we met, downstairs, I said hi with a genuine smile, he smiled, I saw him holding alot of stuff, and he said ” here, these are your clothes (they smell nice, lol, im particular with clean clothes that smell nice, im weird, but dont judge), there’s durian flavour coffee inside, and I bought touhua (aka soybean curd) and soy milk for you and this is your birthday present”, guess what happen next? He started crying. uhhh, I stunned for awhile, ” why are you crying? whats wrong? are you okay? what happened?” but I didnt manage to get any answer from me, I gave up asking, so I gave him a hug and said “dont cry d, drive safe”, and i just left.

Pics laterrrrr.

So when i reached my hostel, the first thing to do is to open the present la of course. oh NO, one more thing, when I was placing the beancurd & the drink into the refrigerator, I noticed the sugar in the beancurd is not black sugar, ” WHY THE HECK DID YOU NOT NOTICE THAT I ALWAYS HAVE SOYBEAN CURD WITH BLACK SUGAR WHY WHY WHY” We ve been together for almost 9 months tho, and we ve had soybean curd so often but u failed to notice. hmmm, should I feel disappointed about this or not? Its okay, let it go, so lets see what he got me…

But luckily he still rmb I like to drink coffee and I like durian. HENG AHHHH

video-1493049389

OH, and he got me this phone case, I LOVE IT VERY MUCHHHHH.

I almost missed this. LOL, his handwriting is as ugly as mine.

Anyway, I cannot deny the fact that this is the first time he got me gift, of all time, he picked the moment after we have broken up for 2 months ++. Still, Im happy la, who dont like present, little thing is still something right.

Thank you, sincerely.

I shall end this here.

I shall update about my 2nd birthday wish, not now, but soon.

Ciao. 🙂

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Where is your self control?

Today is kind of a bad day for me.

have been asking myself “where is my self control” for the whole afternoon and evening

Why do you let the urge to occupy you

why do you let your emotion control you

 

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Birthday wish #1

So, everyone will get to make 3 wishes for his/her birthday. 

And yay, now I get to make mine. 🙂 

My 1st wish, 

Is to be mentally strong !! 

I don’t know what other people think about mental health. Personally, I think that mental health is extremely important because whatever you do gets affected by what you feel and think and what you do will affect the inner you as well, so it’s like a cycle. Physical-mental-physical-mental

Since we are always encouraged to see a doctor to have regular medical check up annually, so why not regular mental health checkup? This thought was inspired by one of my fav youtubers, Anna Akana. She talked about psychologist and mental health in one of her videos few years back and since then I strongly believe that having a mental health check up regularly is necessary. However, not many people is aware about that, they see psychologist as someone you see when you have mental disorder. (*note: psychologist is different from psychiatrists, if you don’t know what’s the difference, do check it out via google)  And, it’s sad to see that the cost of one visit to psychologist is so high that not everyone can afford. 😦 

Anyway, so I was mentioning about being mentally strong. 

In this case, it includes being determined enough to achieve what I want, being emotionally stable ( not easily get affected by negative stuff that hits me/able to recover quickly from negative emotions), more self-love less self-criticism. 

And most importantly, is to be free from my eating problem. 🙏🙏🙏

I watched many YouTube videos and listened to this eating problem sufferers who have recovered, sharing their journey to recovery, past experience, their thoughts and feelings. Most of them have mention that this eating problem is like an ongoing thing, it will never go away, it will fade, it will come back again and it’s just a matter of how you handle it and practise to reduce its possibility of haunting you. 

I understand it’s gonna be a long journey. My psychologist has planned a 20-sessions programme for me, hopefully I will recover by then. 

So yea, 1st wish for my birthday on 2017. 

#nuyu 

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A good day

Yasssss, no binge eating today, OMG YESSSS FINALLY

it’s a good start for making changes. I’m really really satisfied with what I’m doing today and how I’m coping with my urge to eat today. I know people won’t understand why am I so happy about this but I’m just happy with myself making improvement even though it’s a small step.

Yesterday was a disaster, I’m not being myself, I’m even shocked about my behaviour yesterday, that is so not me.

Whenever u feel down, read this,

“hey, I understand how u feel, despite how frustrated you feel about yourself and how people around you including your family don’t understand you sometimes, at least you understand yourself and you should always believe that one day,ONE DAY you will find someone who is willing to understand you and is able to create that environment where you are comfortable to say anything without being judged, without being fear of rejection. But before this, believe in yourself, believe in your own capability to stand back up, its okay not to be perfect sometimes, stop being too harsh to yourself, after all, your happiness and wellbeing rather than your wealth and success will be your ultimate life goal.”

2 more days till the release of my medical report, counting down.

 

Goodnight.

How nice it would be if I’m able to share this happy day with someone, so I can influence him/her day as well hmmm

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GOGOGO!!

Waking up at 5.30am, trying to be productive.

Hope today will be a good day 🙂

oh yea, im planning to go for a solo trip, maybe to singapore? not sure yet, still thinking about it.

 

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o

下个礼拜就是你生日了,期待吗?

没,不期待

老实说,对生日这种东西又爱又恨

为什么?

因为怕那些对我重要的人忘了那天是我的生日,我会等,我在意。

 

 

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谢谢

妈妈最近都有积极地来跟我聊天,

问我在做什么,有吃早餐吗。。。

其实有点小开心,因为终于感觉到妈妈跟别人的妈妈一样,我们家人之间相处的方式一路来都是有事才找对方,没事就自己照顾自己,所以有时候当朋友跟我提起他/她妈妈打来了,他跟他妈每天都会告诉对方自己做得怎样,我会小小羡慕

当然我不是希望我天天跟妈妈讲电话,以我们两个的性格,做不到,我们两个人的个性都太强悍,肯定会吵架。

跟我一样,她好胜,聊不到一下子我们会为了不让自己受委屈,我们会吵架。

跟我一样,她很多话。

跟我一样, 她常常喜欢自己先表达想法或想说的话,常常忘了听别人的

跟她一样, 我性格很急躁, 我问了问题,我希望人家给我的是直截了当的答案,不是带我兜花园,我自认我不笨,我可以很快了解一样东西,我不懂我会问。

我希望,偶尔聊聊天,我喜欢这种关系。

所以因为那个东西,她主动来找我,我有小小开心。

会不会是因为她怕我自杀?

因为我告诉过他那天情绪低落到我什么都不想做,不想跟人说话,不想上学,很想缀学。。。

不管怎样,

 

谢谢那个东西, 让我感受到,妈妈多一些的温暖。

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