Great day.

Finally there’s something I’m happy about.

I had badminton session today. Like finally. Thanks Alvin for inviting me. So nice of him, hahahah, cause I dont need to pay for the court, I dont need to bring shuttle cock, I just need to bring myself and my racquet. *clapclap* I’m so happy because I get to play badminton. I always hope that my form 6 gang can get to play badminton together once more, but deep down I know that this is not gonna happen. Nehmind. The more I think about this , the more kek xim I will get. So, I need to MOVE ON. Today I get to play with alvin and his colleagues. Although I don’t really know all of them, but I enjoy playing with them. Thank you, guys. I appreciate the opportunity.

While I was peeing in my toilet, preparing to bath, I saw this cockroach (without wings, different type of cockroach) aka oriental cockroach ( found in google ). I don’t hate cockroach. I just don’t like them to come near me or in my area. I’m not afraid of cockroach, but I don’t dare to catch it with my bare hands. I spent alot of time in my bathroom cause I play with the cockroach to teach it a lesson not to exist around me. I shoot water to it, let it run here and there, let it be nervous. Eventually, I covered it with a plastic cup so that I can bath knowing that it can’t come near me while I’m bathing. #brilliant #soproudofmyself

The moment when I was watching TV while having my dinner, my this friend, Alvin ajak me to Tanjung Harapan aka the no. 8 bridge. Actually, I never hang out with him before, only for badminton sessions. Few days ago, he ajak me for movie with his sister, but I rejected , firstly because I’m scared of the awkward moment and secondly I watched the movie before already, even worse, twice. When he ajak me this time, I thought for awhile and at last I said yes. Why? Cause I thought that I should go out, quite some time I haven’t hang out with people d. Nehmind la awkward den awkward la. Give myself a chance to mix with people and make friends la. I ve known him for quite some time d, since primary or secondary school, I guess, I don’t really remember. I thought it’s going to be me and him only. To my surprise, his sister and her bf came along too. And to my surprise too, there are no awkward moments. We take pictures, we talk, we laugh, we joke around, we have fun. It’s the first time for me to go Tanjung Harapan. We light up the big lantern, his sister and I throw little pumpkin into the sea. I’m glad that I made the decision to hang out with him. Thanks, we should hang out more and be good friends.

These few days I go to bed lately, really late, around 4-5. Yep, insomnia if you are guessing. Drama plays a role too. Sighhhh.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Latest love.

Love the song, love the voice, love the lyrics, love the melody.

all of the lights land on you
the rest of the world fades from view
and all of the love i see
please please say you feel it too

and all of the noise i hear inside
restless and loud unspoken and wild
and all that you need to say to make it all go away
is that you feel the same way too

and i know the scariest part is letting go
cause love is a ghost you cant control
i promise you the truth cant hurt us now
so let the words slip out of your mouth

and all of the steps that led me to you
and all of the hell i had to walk through
but i wouldnt trade a day for the chance to say
my love im in love with you

and i know the scariest part is letting go
cause love is a ghost you cant control
i promise you the truth cant hurt us now
so let the words slip out of your mouth

i know that were both afraid
we both made the same mistakes
an open heart is an open wound to you
and in the wind of a heavy choice
love has a quiet voice
still your mind now im yours to choose

and i know the scariest part is letting go
let my love be the light that guides you home

and i know the scariest part is letting go
cause love is a ghost you cant control
i promise you the truth cant hurt us now
so let the words slip out of your mouth

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A summary about 4 Magic Words !

So, I was browsing through my facebook newsfeed as usual and I saw this link with the title “To Lose Weight, Studies Show These 4 Words Work Like Magic”.

Which 4 words?

As we know that, we are what we eat. So, the key elements that succeed our weight loss plan is to look after what we eat. We know what to eat and when to stop, but sometimes we come to situations where we are not ready of. For example, you stay up late and you are hungry, boss wants you to have a drink in the bar, etc.

Therefore, we need these first two words, if and then , to make responses for emergency situations. If X happens, then Y. What we need to do is to create a list of emergency situations that you might have which is X and plan your responses which is Y. In case emergency situations happen, you will react as what you planned. Make it a habit, action plans pull you away from temptations.

When you come to food choices, I don’t  are better words than I can’t . When you are telling yourself that you can’t eat this, there is high percentage that you will still have it. Studies show that people that say I don’t eat this is better in avoiding that particular food than those that say I can’t eat this.

There you go, 4 magic words, if and then & I don’t .

I can try this. :)

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment


Okay, people should learn to be punctual.
It’s a norm that Malaysians will never be punctual, but I do still hope that people will change.
People should learn how to manage the time well and learn to respect others whom they are having appointment with.
Rule #1 : never date a guy with poor time management.
I will never be the one who waits. Not anymore. I will never be the one who wonders when he/she will turn up.
Never, never, never. I will never be the one who acts like nothing bothers me but I am actually mad or upset.
I will never be the one who forces myself to smile when someone asks me whether I am okay.

Please don’t make me wait. I want the memories to rest. Don’t wake me with those memories. Please.
I want to let it go. I want to watch romantic movies without being influenced. I want to stop what I’m thinking now. I want to do it on myself.

Okay, I shouldn’t gamble.
I should accept the fact that I have no luck.
No luck in everything.

Please block all my access to my memories. Please block all my contacts to the one.
Please stop me from every stupid things I will do. Please stop me from every stupid decisions I will make.

Baobei, dui zi ji hao yi dian hao ma?
Baobei, zhen xi zi ji hao ma?
Baobei, bu guan yi hou ni hui bu hui hai shi zi ji yi ge ren, dan shi ni yao jian qiang hao ma?
Baobei, bu yao zai zuo yu chun de shi hao ma?
Baobei, ren jia zou le, ren jia dou bu hui tou le, ren jia dou bu zhen xi le, ren jia yi jing xiao sha de zou le, wei shen me ni na me xi huan zuo hou lian pi de na yi ge?
Baobei, wei shen me ming zhi dao mei jie guo, hai xi huan liu lian zai ci?
Baobei, gou le, zuo geng hao de zi ji hao ma?

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment


Please make me like chinese new year.
I just can’t feel the excitement anymore. Seriously.
I don’t hate, but it doesn’t seem necessary to me anymore. Tomorrow will be better, I guess.
Can you imagine? Me jogging in the evening on the first day of chinese new year when all the chinese are busy visiting people’s houses?
Anyway, there’s not much of people in the garden this evening. And I actually quite like it – the idea of owning the whole garden. You don’t need to avoid the eye contact with other people, you don’t need to consider whether to smile to people or not.
Some people just don’t know how to read signboard. I just wish those morons will stop riding their motorcycles around the garden and stop the vrooming sound ( it’s freaking irritating ). And I just wish people would stop fishing there. Can’t you all just leave the fish alone? Damn.

Anyway, I have quite some plans in my to-do list, hoping to finish them as much as I can in this year.
– volunteering in SPCA to take care of the dogs.
– to travel to anywhere
– to bake
– to read as much English books as I can
– to learn about investment and learn to handle myself well financially
– movies

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Be tough, girl.

The End doesn’t really means game over. It means the chance of living again for any purpose. I relive again, just without the person I thought would be by my side like for the rest of my life.

How are you doing? This question seems simple, yet involves many answers I want to know.
I always wonder. Kay, Stop wondering. Over, over, over.
Going back leads to the same situation, girl.
Please don’t complicate my mind. I am weak. I can’t handle this.

Never go back, never think back, move forward, girl.
Never look back, never.
Since when this tough girl cries so easily?
Since when welling up this tough girl’s eyes become so easy?
Not to over think is a good thing. Not to think is the best thing.

Be wise to choices on what to do next.

To focus on myself is the most important thing to do.

Please don’t disturb my memories, let it rest. Just rest there and don’t ever come back. Like forever. Sometimes I desperately wish to rewind the time, to undo, to avoid something that I wish not to happen. Time machine, where are you? Where are you when I really need you so much. Sometimes I really feel disappointed with myself for letting and allowing myself to suffer and let others to hurt me.
Please forgive me for those irrational choices, for the mistakes I should not have done.

Please release me from guilt, from over thinking, from depression, from low self esteem, from fats,from wrong choices, from trouble, from unhealthy relationships, from toxic people, from pessimism, from being introvert.

Please make me a better person, a stronger person, a wiser person, a thoughtful person, a healthier person.

I need wisdom, charisma, health, wealth, family, friends that treasure me.

I hate memories sometimes.

Bang me with this car. Let me be free of memories.

Drop a tree on my head and hit my head.

Just make this memories away from me. As far away as they can be.

Hope this ends soon.

From now on, I shall learn to protect myself, I shall be free from control, I shall be free to be what I want to be.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Here I am.

Purple is my used-to-be favourite colour.  Now, I love red. No reason for that, cause I have no idea what changes me to love red. Sometimes, there’s something that you cant explain.

Please allow me to have moments of depression and whatever negative feelings.

Since I went to university, negative thoughts have taken over my mind most of the time. I still remember my first week of orientation in the new learning environment. I was not ready for staying away from home, was not ready for adapting the new environment, was not ready for meeting new people ( I will never be ready to meet new people ) . I was amazed by how some people can just handle them so well in the new space. I will never forget the first week of having my body staying in the hostel while my heart was no longer there. I used to laugh at people who are being so negative of life. Ironically, I am being one now. There’s this day where i went out with some friends to midvalley and somehow I start to think about the purpose of living in this earth. As we all know, we will die eventually. During the period of being alive, our most valuable asset which is our family will eventually pass away one by one. Having to experience the loss of your loved ones while you are alive plus the fact that you yourself will die eventually – my eyes start to well up at that moment.

Friends. Another thing that I value a lot yet expect too much from them. The moment when you notice you are not in the same status as how you place them in your heart. The moment when you think you can trust them but you realise that they take your secrets as the topic of conversation with others. The moment when you are really down you are having doubts who to approach. The moment when you say good friends or best friends or sisters or buddies and you are doubting it at the same time.

Please allow me to live in moments of grey and black.
Fortunately, I still have time to pull myself from the black hole.
Someone said, you should grow up. Think for others not only yourself.
Fortunately, I still have numerous years of time to grow , to know myself better, to spend time with myself, to learn and to change.

Please allow me to have dislike and hatred.
I will still learn to forget and forgive.
I will still cherish my friends, my family.
I will still learn to love what I do.

Please allow me to make some mistakes.
I am just a human.
I make mistakes just like everyone does.
Maybe some of my mistakes are the serious ones, but I still wish to be forgiven.
From now on, I shall be released from my guilt.

Lastly, hi, Im back again, To my private space.
You decide to come to my place means you care.
Since you care, love me for who I am but don’t judge.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment