Day 3

Im tired, im so tired, im very tired and sleeph.

Diet Intake:

8smtg in the morning: Taufufa with black sugar

12smtg at noon : 4 cashew nuts, 2 sunsweet prunes

1-2pm: chicken salad (4-5 chicken breast slice, lettuce, capsicum, pesto sauce)

3-4pm (ND lab): 4-5 cubes of pineapple, 2 small pieces of tempeh, 1/2 piece of bread with pumpkin spread, 1/8 slice of apple

8-9pm (Steven’s corner) – 1 thosai

10.30pm (home) – 1 cup of coffee (Ah Huat low fat coffee 1/2 satchet 68kcal), 1 grape , 1 slice of dragon fruit.

Physical activity:

Swimming, frog style (1 hour)

 

 

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Day 2

14/3/2017 Tuesday

Diet intake :

7smtg in the morning (hostel) – a small cup of milk (Dutch Lady) with Berry Muesli(1/2 cup) (brand: Monster)

10smtg in the morning (uni) – a cup of cafe latte

1pm at noon (medifood) – egg sandwich (egg in mayo, 1.5 slice of bread, tomato, lettuce, cucumber)

5 smtg in the evening (hostel) – 1 packet of (Dutch Lady low fat high calcium 2oomL) milk

9 smtg at night – a bowl of mee sua soup (36g of mee sua before cook, 1 egg, 1/2 cup of buna shimeiji mushroom, 1 cup of broccoli

11smtg (house at botanic) – apples and mangoes

Physical activity:

running machine ~30mins, forward lunge 15 reps 2 sets, reverse lunge 15 reps 2 sets, side lunge 15reps 2 sets, goblet squat 20reps 2 sets, wide leg squat with dumbbell 20reps 2 sets, duck walks 3 small circles 2 sets, bridge 10reps 1 set; 15 reps 2nd set.

 

Condition:

Went back to my house at botanic, thats when my craving started, cravings for creamcrackers (any kind of food actually), decided to eat apples and mangoes instead.

This afternoon, I saw this youtube video by themingthing.

The storyline of the short film is pretty simple and old-fashioned. however, I love the message that they want to bring it up to the audience.

  • Change is the only constant.
  • To say love doesnt change is to say love isnt alive
  • Love grows and change comes along with it.
  • Love changes people// Love grows and we grow along with it.
  • Change is something to be expected in life. So dont fear it but embrace it and grow along with it in life and in love.

The reason why I love the messages so much because I am the kind of person who dont like changes, I dont like the occurence of changes especially when im mentally prepared for smtg to happen and i get annoyed when Im expecting and im prepared to do smtg and suddenly boom! urgent meetings, schedule changes…. etc. I do realise that this is not a good habit and I should do smtg with it. So, basically, this video kinda reminds me/ motivates me to change.

 

 

 

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HELLO

13/3/2017 Monday

1st day of the journey for transformation.

Talked to Ms. Kelly this morning regarding my problematic eating disorder. She gave me a few suggestion to try on myself before I turn to seek for help from the professionals.

  1. Eat more during the daytime to reduce/prevent cravings or the urge to eat at night.
  2. Try to avoid caffeine, it will help to suppress appetite but you will eat more after that.
  3. Keep a diary recording the episode of binge eating.

So here I am, recording the details of the day. I will try my best to make this diary recording stuff a habit of mine.

Food intake :

10 smtg in the morning (medifood) – 1 bowl eggy salad with pesto sauce (didnt finish all, left quite a number of lettuce leaves), few sips of pineapple vinegar

12.35pm (driveway) – 1 cup of mad alchemy cafe latte

4smtg in the evening(hostel) – 1 char siew pau (removed some fatty part), 1 orange, 5 grapes (green, seedless)

7smtg at night (hostel) – 1 packet of oat krunch (strawberry & blackcurrent flavour)

12 smtg midnight (hostel) – 1 grape, 1 small cup of low fat milk with muesli (oat, raisins, pumpkin seed)

Physical activity:

10:06pm – 11:10pm

warm up, ~25min of cardio workout, 50 sit ups, tricep workout (abit), inner thigh workout (abit), oblique workout(abit), plank (30s, 1min)

Condition:

Has an urge to eat more around 4 smtg after eating the char siew pau, my mind keep on thinking about food, try to distract myself with hk drama, lay on bed to watch drama and go for a 20-minutes nap.

Anyway, I must write about this. Every friend of mine should know besides red bean pau and kaya pau, i wont eat any type of pau. After class, I planned to buy red bean pau, but the uncle mistakenly took the wrong pau and I noticed it when I was at my hostel. it’s very frustrating nehhhh, I crave for red bean pau and im mentally prepared for red bean pau, but no red bean pau….zzz I’m so calories-conscious that i went to check the difference in nutrients between the two paus. Surprisingly, char siew pau has less calories (~160kcal) than red bean pau (~200kcal) ehhhh. but it has higher content of cholesterol and sodium.

Okay. Thats all for today. Goodnight 🙂

 

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.

 

When im stressed,

i bite my fingernails

My eyes move very fast, trying to seek for security, someone who is safe to lean on,

My brain cant stop thinking what should i do,

Eventually, I will turn to food.

Since when you binge on food to seek for satisfaction

Since when you purge to seek for the relief of guilt

Since when you convince yourself tomorrow you wont do that again

Since when you repeat the same thing again and again

You re getting ill, no , you are ill.

Mentally, you admit it secretly, you talk to people about it, but it  doesnt help

they are not professionals, besides listening and scolding, they cant do much

And after some time, you are the only one who is left with the problem

When are you going to stand up to your problems?

When are you going to stop being such an irrational immature adult?

When are you going to be responsible to yourself?

When are you going to stop letting ppl around you and most importantly you yourself, down?

How many times should i remind you to focus, focus on yourself, focus on what you wish to be, focus on what your really, stop relying on others, stop seeking for happiness from others, create your own happiness.

 

 

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保护

又回来了,因为无聊所以来update一下blog吧。

 

谁说七个月又28天不长?谁说242 天不长? 谁说5808个小时不长?

对,相比那些在一起几年了的,的确,8个月很容易就被比下去了

可是,当你回想起八个月来的点点滴滴美好与不愉快的回忆,我们一起经历的不算少,不是吗?

 

我们一起去打球,打完了,就一起去吃消夜。

 

我们一起去看戏,在戏院里我很喜欢靠在你身边,我常常看着看着就睡着了,还记得有一次看完戏了,parking lot 里面的车寥寥无几,你突然开始演戏说快点,有坏人,然后你就主动地背起我,跑去车的方向,我本来很累却被你逗乐了。

 

我们一起video call 的时光,最快乐的时候莫过于我在australia 的时候,你是我第一个 fb video call 的对象耶,那时候,你每晚都会主动video call我,聊到很开心,我说想吃红豆烧饼,你就亲手做了,而且还亲自来机场接我,那时候真的很幸福。

 

我们一起参加viper challenge 的时候,你让我看见了另一面的你,你让我看见乐于助人的你,每个obstacles对你来说都不是难事,当我看到其他人做不到可是你做到的时候,真的觉得宝贝帅呆了,瞬间充满男人味。在途中,你竟然在其他人面前背起我,疯狂地向前冲,尽管别人会说我们疯,可是再给我选一次我还是会跳上你的背。

 

每当你去做part time 工的时候,我都会特地抽空去探班或者我会在你附近的地方温习功课, 每次break time 的时候,我们就会一起去吃东西然后到处走走看看,放工了就一起回家

 

我们一起煮东西吃,一起晒衣服,一起去马六甲,一起去爬山。。。

 

不知道你查觉没,以前你什么事情都要我们一起做,连看牙医看骨科医生你都要一起,渐渐地我开始习惯了什么都要一起做,可是时间久了,不知道是你闷了还是什么,有很多事情你都不是很喜欢跟我一起做了,很多事情为了不想让我失望,你都答应了一起,可是到头来都是一场空。现在想算有多少个答应了却没实行的小承诺,应该算不清了吧。

你最近常说你对着我你很闲,我问你为什么,你说,你尝试一下每天对着一个脸黑黑的人。

事实上,不能说全部,不过很多事我脸黑黑的原因是你,我的确有错,一些很小的事情我都可以脸黑黑很长时间,其实当你把矛头都指向我的时候,你可曾想过自己也有责任呢?

我发现我们吵架,常常把错指向对方,都从来不反省自己是不是也有部分的责任。

 

我想了很久,一直想跟你说,可是我表达能力真的有点问题,我怕越说越错·

其实保护自己是每个人在觉得自己处于不好的情况的时候自动亮起的心理模式。

但你发现没,过于保护自己会伤害别人。

怎么说呢?

就拿最近的一次吵架的事来说吧

你不喜欢我常常摆臭脸,而且常常在你要跟你的好朋友们出去的时候弄到你没有心情。经过反省,的确我这些行为会让你对我反感而且会影响我们之前的感情,我说我会改,我说我会尽量不让这些事情发生,因为我明白如果我不那么做,就很不顾你的感受,我不应该酱自私。

而你因为我常常脸臭臭对你,所以你觉得对着我SIEN, 所以你去跟别人flirt,就因为那份刺激感,我对你说,宝贝,我不能接受你那样,我真的会很难受,你却因为你认为你没有错,你本来就这样,很自私地选择宁愿不顾我感受也要满足自己想要的那份刺激感。讲真的,那时候我的心真的很难受,为什么我愿意为了照顾你的感受而让步,而你却。。。

对, 你说你本来就这样说话,但是人都要为自己说的话负责不是吗,你有了情人,你选择了他做你女朋友,不就应该对他有情侣之间的负责任吗?如果暧昧的话跟每个人说都可以的话,那跟你女朋友说的情话又有什么特别的意义啊,没当你女朋友的都可以被你送上这些甜言蜜语。

 

你说,我们还没到谈婚论嫁的年纪,所以你不会给予什么承诺

我想对你说,我不曾盼望一个重大的承诺,目前我也没要朝着那方向发展我们的感情。

这些重大的承诺 跟我们在一起之间的小小承诺是不一样的。

对情侣的忠诚就是我所谓的小小承诺之一。

我现在要的是,一个可以让我依赖,一个我知道不管别人多讨厌我,外面世界多么现实可怕,还是会在我身边陪伴我,安慰我,鼓励我的人。一个我知道就算我跟他吵架吵得很凶,但却吵不走而且可以吵完继续拥抱的人。

 

一段感情,如果用心去经营,放下该死的自尊不带任何负面情绪真诚地和对方讨论沟通。

如果我们能那样,

我愿意,你愿意跟我好好地经营我们的感情吗?

 

有时候,还是会希望你会常常主动找我聊天,主动关心我,主动约我一起出去。

有时候,我看你没关心我,会特地跟你说我这里痛,那里累,发生了什么事,希望你会问下关心一下,可是有时候你会无动于衷,所以我有时候会很生气你一边玩电话,一边跟我讲话。

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Here’s to my Best Buddy

Sorry, i know this is late, sorry hahahah. I should have finished this earlier. I said sowwy, now do your part, forgive me !

Hmmm. how should I start this?  hmm. okay. I pick the traditional way. *wink*

Dear Ooi Lin,

Happy 22nd birthday!! FEEL OLD MOU. NVM, JIE JIE HAVE THIS FEELING 2 MONTHS AGO. Guess wat’s worse than feeling old on your own birthday? *drumroll* Your best friend forgets your birthday *clapclapclap* eh, i dont forget stuff so easily kay! especially someone make me upset. tsk. hahahaha. kay la. just kidding la. Ur birthday present from me is forgiveness. I officially forgive you, ooilin, yes, dont feel guilty anymore.

If I am given a chance to say my last word to you before I die, I will say:

“Thanks for coming into my life.” #withtears

When I am reflecting my past, you actually witnessed my 2 breakups. wooooooo~ What i want to say is, thanks for being there for me during my breakups, thanks for taking care of me when i’m drunk. Psssst, i kinda miss red wine when im writing this.

Your good thing that i notice:

Family-oriented guy (very), abit thick face, abit talkative, quite observant la ( you manage to notice guys who check out on me hahahah, thank you for letting me know that I am still attractive), memory capacity fluctuates from time to time ( you forget my birthday but u manage to rmb what i mentioned before), A guy with plans ( as in plans for future not plans for where to eat. keep this, this is what makes a gal fall into trap), a good listener (I know you will always listen to me when i brag about my stuff even though its lame sometimes.), a good secret keeper ( i assume) ( k la, maybe you will tell your sis la but i assume you keep all my  secrets la.hahahaha I will still tell you secrets la don worry)

YAY, now your bad thing:

Short HAHAHAAHHA, k la this cant change d. soli ah. Next, Fat, HAHAHAHAHAH this oso cannot change d, soli ah. okok, serious liao, this one u can change. I think one thing that you can improve yourself is to learn to groom yourself. A pair of shoes for hangouts is never enough, ooilin, trust me, you need more pairs of shoes. Take care of your face, your acnes are getting better which is a good thing, dont eat all those trash d, girls like nice clean face. ( I say de)

Come, close your eyes, take 5 minutes to reflect back what we have gone through together, (movies, pet exhibition, rock climbing, gambling at your house, trying food at nice places,… k think urself) Did you notice that im adorable ? HAHAHAAH, i know.

 

Lastly, I wish that you can buy a new car asap and come fetch me. no la, I wish our friendship will be as strong as hmmm, a hammer. Cheers to our 7th years of friendship. wait till the 10th year, we should do something special and exciting like cliff jumping or bungee jumping or flying a plane or travelling together or participating in Amazing Race Asia. 🙂 🙂

 

Best regards,

Jiajing

 

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