Seriously, I feel really stressed right now.

5 more days , IELTS speaking test

6 more days, IELTS writing, reading and listening test. I think that no matter how much I prepare myself or finish the practice tests, I am not ready. ughhhhhhhhh I hate this feeling of not being confident. :/

9 more days, dance competition. I just found out yesterday that the competition is held at the atrium and it’s after the open ceremony of IMU cup. In other words, there will be alot of people watching me including my friends and my not-so-close friends. SHIT.

Assignmentsssss. This short semester isnt meant to be this hectic, but why?

My squash team *sigh* Can one more Hydra come up to me and says he is willing to join the team? PLEASE LA, I dont want my team to be disqualified without having to playyyyyyyy. :(

okay, cant write anymore.

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“Huh”

Have you noticed that there are some specific words that you will say every day, most of the time?

” Hey, how are you?” ” Huh?” ” I’m asking you, how are you doing” “ohh, I’m great!”

“Are you coming for squash tonight?” ” Huh?”

” What are you studying currently?” ” Huh?”

Yes, I use “Huh” alot, more than I can count. Duhh.

It’s not that I don’t understand English. It’s just that I can’t hear properly. Either my ears are functioning badly or you are speaking too softly.

I don’t know if you have experienced this, but I always have this awkward moment whereby someone has repeated his sentence for 3 times and I still don’t get what he is saying. I have no choice but to reply HAHAHAHA or I will just smile, too embarrassed to ask him to repeat again, especially those people that I am not close with.

So, when you ask me a question and see me smile without answering, please kindly repeat it again. Louder, this time. Hashtag, Thank you. :)

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To be alone.

Half a year. I’ve been single for half a year. Yet, what bugs me the most is not about being single.

What I currently want the most is to learn how to spend time with myself. Sometimes, I love spending time to be alone in my own space, not hanging out, doing whatever I would like to do such as using the laptop (mostly, usually). To be honest, I’d even cancel my appointment with my friends just to stay at home. However, there are times that I find spending time with myself is torturing and depressing. That is when I allow my thoughts to flow freely, but usually they will flow to the negative path. And that is when overthinking happens. I can overthink anything, any situation very easily. (like seriously)

Many people would ask, is spending time with oneself important?

My answer is YES. OF COURSE.

By learning how to spend time with yourself, you will rely on yourself, you will not depend on others for companion. For instance, if you are in a relationship, it’s impossible that you and your loved ones can spend time together 24/7. Everyone needs space. By spending time with yourself, you are able to give yourself as well as your partner the space required. Being needy every single time is not cute AT ALL, it is annoying and pathetic. If you ask me, I won’t feel sorry for a girl who is being dumped because of being too needy.

As I was saying about spending time with yourself, you can only think clearly and make clear and rational decisions when you are with your own. Without anyone being around you, you get to think and make plans wisely without any effect from the surroundings. You get to know deep down in your heart what you really want and what is really good and suitable for you. Of course, before making decision, listening to what others have to say and getting opinions from different people different aspects are important. I’m not saying that you dont need other people’s advice. What I meant is that after getting all the information, being alone is necessary to make choices.

Currently, I’m still learning to be with myself. I’m still learning to deal with depression.

No, I don’t need help. However, I don’t mind if you would like to speak to me about this.

Take care.

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Great day.

Finally there’s something I’m happy about.

I had badminton session today. Like finally. Thanks Alvin for inviting me. So nice of him, hahahah, cause I dont need to pay for the court, I dont need to bring shuttle cock, I just need to bring myself and my racquet. *clapclap* I’m so happy because I get to play badminton. I always hope that my form 6 gang can get to play badminton together once more, but deep down I know that this is not gonna happen. Nehmind. The more I think about this , the more kek xim I will get. So, I need to MOVE ON. Today I get to play with alvin and his colleagues. Although I don’t really know all of them, but I enjoy playing with them. Thank you, guys. I appreciate the opportunity.

While I was peeing in my toilet, preparing to bath, I saw this cockroach (without wings, different type of cockroach) aka oriental cockroach ( found in google ). I don’t hate cockroach. I just don’t like them to come near me or in my area. I’m not afraid of cockroach, but I don’t dare to catch it with my bare hands. I spent alot of time in my bathroom cause I play with the cockroach to teach it a lesson not to exist around me. I shoot water to it, let it run here and there, let it be nervous. Eventually, I covered it with a plastic cup so that I can bath knowing that it can’t come near me while I’m bathing. #brilliant #soproudofmyself

The moment when I was watching TV while having my dinner, my this friend, Alvin ajak me to Tanjung Harapan aka the no. 8 bridge. Actually, I never hang out with him before, only for badminton sessions. Few days ago, he ajak me for movie with his sister, but I rejected , firstly because I’m scared of the awkward moment and secondly I watched the movie before already, even worse, twice. When he ajak me this time, I thought for awhile and at last I said yes. Why? Cause I thought that I should go out, quite some time I haven’t hang out with people d. Nehmind la awkward den awkward la. Give myself a chance to mix with people and make friends la. I ve known him for quite some time d, since primary or secondary school, I guess, I don’t really remember. I thought it’s going to be me and him only. To my surprise, his sister and her bf came along too. And to my surprise too, there are no awkward moments. We take pictures, we talk, we laugh, we joke around, we have fun. It’s the first time for me to go Tanjung Harapan. We light up the big lantern, his sister and I throw little pumpkin into the sea. I’m glad that I made the decision to hang out with him. Thanks, we should hang out more and be good friends.

These few days I go to bed lately, really late, around 4-5. Yep, insomnia if you are guessing. Drama plays a role too. Sighhhh.

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Latest love.

Love the song, love the voice, love the lyrics, love the melody.

all of the lights land on you
the rest of the world fades from view
and all of the love i see
please please say you feel it too

and all of the noise i hear inside
restless and loud unspoken and wild
and all that you need to say to make it all go away
is that you feel the same way too

and i know the scariest part is letting go
cause love is a ghost you cant control
i promise you the truth cant hurt us now
so let the words slip out of your mouth

and all of the steps that led me to you
and all of the hell i had to walk through
but i wouldnt trade a day for the chance to say
my love im in love with you

and i know the scariest part is letting go
cause love is a ghost you cant control
i promise you the truth cant hurt us now
so let the words slip out of your mouth

i know that were both afraid
we both made the same mistakes
an open heart is an open wound to you
and in the wind of a heavy choice
love has a quiet voice
still your mind now im yours to choose

and i know the scariest part is letting go
let my love be the light that guides you home

and i know the scariest part is letting go
cause love is a ghost you cant control
i promise you the truth cant hurt us now
so let the words slip out of your mouth

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A summary about 4 Magic Words !

So, I was browsing through my facebook newsfeed as usual and I saw this link with the title “To Lose Weight, Studies Show These 4 Words Work Like Magic”.

Which 4 words?

As we know that, we are what we eat. So, the key elements that succeed our weight loss plan is to look after what we eat. We know what to eat and when to stop, but sometimes we come to situations where we are not ready of. For example, you stay up late and you are hungry, boss wants you to have a drink in the bar, etc.

Therefore, we need these first two words, if and then , to make responses for emergency situations. If X happens, then Y. What we need to do is to create a list of emergency situations that you might have which is X and plan your responses which is Y. In case emergency situations happen, you will react as what you planned. Make it a habit, action plans pull you away from temptations.

When you come to food choices, I don’t  are better words than I can’t . When you are telling yourself that you can’t eat this, there is high percentage that you will still have it. Studies show that people that say I don’t eat this is better in avoiding that particular food than those that say I can’t eat this.

There you go, 4 magic words, if and then & I don’t .

I can try this. :)

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Depression.

Okay, people should learn to be punctual.
It’s a norm that Malaysians will never be punctual, but I do still hope that people will change.
People should learn how to manage the time well and learn to respect others whom they are having appointment with.
Rule #1 : never date a guy with poor time management.
I will never be the one who waits. Not anymore. I will never be the one who wonders when he/she will turn up.
Never, never, never. I will never be the one who acts like nothing bothers me but I am actually mad or upset.
I will never be the one who forces myself to smile when someone asks me whether I am okay.

Please don’t make me wait. I want the memories to rest. Don’t wake me with those memories. Please.
I want to let it go. I want to watch romantic movies without being influenced. I want to stop what I’m thinking now. I want to do it on myself.

Okay, I shouldn’t gamble.
I should accept the fact that I have no luck.
No luck in everything.

Please block all my access to my memories. Please block all my contacts to the one.
Please stop me from every stupid things I will do. Please stop me from every stupid decisions I will make.

Baobei, dui zi ji hao yi dian hao ma?
Baobei, zhen xi zi ji hao ma?
Baobei, bu guan yi hou ni hui bu hui hai shi zi ji yi ge ren, dan shi ni yao jian qiang hao ma?
Baobei, bu yao zai zuo yu chun de shi hao ma?
Baobei, ren jia zou le, ren jia dou bu hui tou le, ren jia dou bu zhen xi le, ren jia yi jing xiao sha de zou le, wei shen me ni na me xi huan zuo hou lian pi de na yi ge?
Baobei, wei shen me ming zhi dao mei jie guo, hai xi huan liu lian zai ci?
Baobei, gou le, zuo geng hao de zi ji hao ma?

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