Random. idk wat to put as title. LOL

Today, I finished my muet speaking test. Im not nervous at all and i dont know why, maybe it is because I have practised many times with my group. 

Unfortunately, the absence of my nervousness doesnt help me alot. I dont think I perform well enough in the test. duhhh. During the section A , I stop for quite some times. I feel like killing myself, thinking that im screwed. But i think im still okay in the group discussion. DUHHHH. Phew, finally its over! have to focus on other tests now. 

To those people who are having the speaking test :

As what i mention in my previous post, everyone has their own priorities. They get to choose what is the most important in their life. We cannot do anything but to increase your own value so that we can become person which are deserved to be others’ priorities. 

I dont know exactly how to increase one’s value, maybe by reading, changing your lifestyle, changing your communication skill, changing your behaviour or whatever. 

And people, stop saying that you dont give a shit with what others comment about you. You do care. Everyone will more or less get affected by the comments people give you. Its just a matter of we can accept it or not. 

Accept . Change what you should change. And lastly, 

Well here’s two quotes which may motivate you to have a great life. Cheers to people who are ready for it ! :)

 

 

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Tough days.

Recently, i mean within these one or two months, my days are tough. Physically and mentally.
I dont anticipate for school days anymore. The thing that i want to do the most when im in the school is to go home. Cause when im in my house, i dont need to face people besides my family.
Starting to feel alone when im in the crowd. And i hate this feeling.
In my class, i spend most of my time doing homework with my earphones on. I do socialise with my classmates.
Within months, a lot of things happened whether i want it or not.
When things dont go our way, we are forced to accept the way it become.
So i accepted. 
I ve already understood that once lost, it will never get back. Mistake done will never get forgiveness sometines.
I ve already get used to being neglected, being replaced. I dont expect. I dont blame. I wont get mad. Cause i know everyone has their own priorities over things.

Five months more.
And im a free man.
Tired of tears.
I hate that my feelings get influenced so easily.

Pray hard that everything goes smoothly for the rest of my school day.
And i sincerely hope and wish that those people that i care live a good life.

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Erm..

He cut hﹰis hair. Why so short? Hahaahah. Looking from side, he looks funny. But from the front, he looks cute. Hehehe.

有人说, 是你的就是你的。 担心也没用。 如果他真的不属于你的, 就算你在怎么小心提防, 他还是会离你而去。

Today is the first day of orientation week. Same date as last year. This reminds me that i ve been in high school for one year. There are Only 243 juniors this year. I notice that more parents come to accompany their children. Cant parents let them be more independent? They are already 18 not 8 .duhhhh.
im the group advisor of group 14. My group has quite alot of malay guys. :/ i dont like. Ugh.

Wheee~~~
I helped my friend today!!!
Hahahaha. I have no idea why i can convince her sis so easily.
Erhem, dear friend, Study hard la. at least put some effort and then get good results. Show ur parents that u still can get  result wuth flying colours even if u re in a relationship. Show that ur relationship wont affect ur studies. Please. U gotta be clear what you should do. Now is just the start. If u dont want to work hard, i dont know how to help you anymore.
Problems solved. Dont be upset d! Smile yo. :)

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Saturday.

Trial exam is over. whee~~ Sincerely hope that muet writing, chem and math will get good results. OMITOFO!!   Yorrr. fking hate PA and i dont know what to do with biology. ._. walaooo. Two more weeks somemore real exam d. ohmygod.

Yesterday i hang out with stacy and chloe. Three of us have not hang out together for so long. Finally , we get to spend time together, just three of us. Argh, now only i remember we forget to take pic together. ish. Anyway, we planned to watch ironman 3 and then go setia alam pasar malam for dinner. But, we scared not enough time, so we just go night market only. It’s my first time going there. hahaha. nice experience, though. I saw alot of pretty girls , i met quite a few people that i know. including my foster. that one really shocked me. i didnt expect to see him again. 

Three of us keep eating. hahahha. especially that 炒粿条, very nice. yum. heheeh. ppl playing badminton, i keep eating. #面壁思过

跟姐妹们坦诚一切,诉苦一番,舒服多了。:) 我们之间的关系真的很复杂,不管怎样我还是很怀念新年那个星期,我今年最开心的一个星期。

大家各自都有男女朋友了,自然地玩起来也不能那么尽兴了。

Seriously, we cannot judge a book by its cover. What we see doesnt show what really happens. Look at them, they look happy, but then you will never know they are having problem until they tell you. He looks okay doesnt mean he is really okay inside. 

真的很羡慕那对情侣,两个都愿意坚持那么久,到最后还是在一起了。

我们会那样吗?._. 在梦里呗。

你会不会讨厌我?会吧,kan facebook chat dou dong le. 

qi shi ru guo ni mei shuo na xie ni hai xi huan wo de hua, wo zao jiu ying gai fang xia le, yi qie ben lai hui mei shi de.

move on, move on. 

yi fang mian yi jing fang qi le, jiu suan ni duo me nu li de xiang zhe ta ye shi mei you yong. 

 

 

Dan, wo hai shi hui chang chang xiang dao ni. jiu suan wo men hen shao jian mian. 

 

 

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The first time.

27.04.2013-28.04.2013
Satrday night – Sunday morning
i have an amazing dﹰream that night. Really unbelievable, magical and wonderful.
I dreamt about we become a thing.
And you are the one who take the first move. We hold hands while walking in the garden.
Awww. How sweet is that.
I ve dreamt about you for numerous time. But, This is the first time i dream about me and you being together.
Hohoho. And when i wake up, i smile, i can feel that im really happy, and i cant even differentiate if its a dream or it actually happens in real life. Then, i go to bath and think for awhile, telling myself it is a dream.
Not going to get it in real life anymore, so having this awesome dream is more than enough. How nice to have this kind of dream every night. Hah.

I have spent a week to study chemistry. Duhh. Chemistry, you better be A. Real exam faster come. I need holidays to rest and rearrange my lifestyle.

不停地叮咛自己不要再抱着希望。
他做了决定,一定不会改变了的。
跟他做朋友呗, 就像之前。
之前的生活如何过,现在就如何过。
李嘉婧, 朋友只是朋友,不要越过界限。他只会把你当朋友。 别再哭了,哭了他也不会回来。哭肿了眼睛,在学校怎么见人? 他也没真正关心过你啊,你在留恋他的什么? 没有关心过你,代表他没喜欢你啊,从头到尾。
八个月了。住在心里的人还在。

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Friend Zone.

I don’t think he will read my blog anymore. Nevermind. I will write what i want.

Thanks my friend for making him make his final decision. LOL. if its not her, i dont think he will tell me  anything even after the high school year. It turns out, the answer isn’t what i expected. Eventhough i ve prepared for the best and the worst, But i just cant hide myself from those shit feelings when i knew it. When i got the text, i cried. I just throw away my notes i was reading tat time, and straight away jump to my brother’s bed. Hugging pillow and just CRY.

Awkward moment occurs when im crying, my lil bro comes in the room to take things. I have to hide my face in my pillow acting im sleeping. I dont want to let my lil brother to know that im crying cause he will definitely tell my parents. And i dont wanna let my parents worry about me especially its about my personal stuff as i promise my younger brother. When my brother leaves, i stop crying , i scared later my mum will come in. Holding the phone while my tears cant stop welling up my eyes.

Feeling so helpless at that moment. I dont know who to talk to. What i can do is just staring at my phone. He cant let go of the things happened weeks ago. He just cant. So he decided to let everything go, and we can remain as good friends. Look, i just got Friendzoned! :/ Of course i dont want it to end like this. never. But no matter how i begged or what i said trying to convince for another chance for us, he rejected. He seems determined.  They said, once, guys made decisions, they wont change anymore. i guess its true :/ eventually, i stopped asking for the last opportunity, because im worried that he will get annoyed by me. So i went to watch 国光帮帮忙instead to cheer myself up and  stop crying. Dont want to show my swollen eyes to people tomorrow.

Ta shuo ta neng fang xia wo ye. Ni Ying gai hen kuai jiu neng fang xia  wo le ba, ni dou neng ju jue de na me hen xin le, zheng ming ni zhen de na ding zhu yi le. Huo xu wo zhen de mei na ge ben shi rang ni xi huan wo xiang wo xi huan ni na me shen.  :/ Ni wen wo da suan zen me zuo. Ni shuo le na me duo hen hua, wu fei shi xiang yao wo fang xia ni, bu yao zai wei zhe xie shi tong ku fan nao le. Wo zhen de bu xiang fang, zhen de bu she de fang. Suo yi wo jue ding ji xu xi huan ni, zhi shi wo bu hui gei ni zhi dao, wo hui jia zhuang mei shi, jia zhuang xia ni le, ji xu gen ni jiang hua. Fan zhen wo you bu shi mei an lian guo ren. Huo xu mo mo de xi huan, bu yao bao ren he xi wang de xi huan bi jiao hao.

Wanna tell him that never to feel zi bei about himself.  “gao pan bu qi” LOL.

wo cong lai mei xian qi guo ni. zhen de. Jiu shi bu jie yi ni de que dian cai hui xi huan ni.

one unlucky girl just got friend-zoned. *sob*

Duhh, its 4 in the morning. And i haven sleep yet, tmr will be a tough school day, ugh.

 

 

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19th birthday.

It’s yesterday. Im officially 19. Awwww, it is the last year of being a teenager :'(  how i wish the time would stop flying and i would like to go back when i was 15-16 years old. This is the age when im the happiest, when im free of overthinking problem, when im in good condition as in health and skin condition. 
Weeks ago before my birthday, i have this  tiny wish that he would celebrate my birthday with me. And he knows about that, but he didnt take any action. Kinda disappointed. I told my friends not to celebrate my birthday cause i really dont feel like celebrating my birthday with anyone but him. Holding the phone whole day, but no calls, no messages from him. (You will never understand how this makes me feel) And i get choonhong’s phone calls and msgs instead. CH asked me out for movie and dinner. He asked me since that afternoon. I choose not to pick up his calls and ignore his msgs. Keep waiting and waiting. Around 7, i get CH’s phone call again. I picked up and i say yes for dinner. Because im starving, mum doesnt buy dinner for me and i skipped lunch. CH brought me to kimgary aeon for dinner. Erm. KimGary will never be my first choice to dine in. I like food but i dont like the food they serve. Nothing special, too salty.. i dont know why KimGary is always full of customers. The korean opposite it,CheGo is much better. o.o
When i was eating, CH’s phone rang. i asked him who called, and he answered friend, but then i saw his phone showing cf. Lol. That time im thinking there’s something happen between both of them. I keep asking him, but he refused to tell the truth. AHAHAA. 被人猜穿谎言不知所措的表情很好笑。 CH sent me home and he said he wanna go toilet cause stomach not feeling well. So, i let him in. That’s when the surprise comes. A group of people suddenly jumped out and sang happy birthday loudly. Im really shocked , everybody can tell cause of my face expression. They say that i nearly cried but i dont remember, but i will surely cry if he come. Stacy wants me to find the presents by giving me clue and i have to follow clues by clues. I was so stupid that day, i took quite some time to figure out what the clue is about and where should i go. And some clues, i still need the people around keep giving hint. It’s in my hse! And i nid to think so long to guess where is it , look how dumb am i
._.
After going round and round on downstairs, ended up the presents are in my room on the upstairs. FUNNEH. before going in my room, i have to make 19 balloons burst. OMG. fyi,Im afraid of making balloons burst. Worse than watching horror movies.
Fortunately, i find a way to get over this phobia. Sit on the balloon! When i get in my room, i saw presents on my bed.
The first thing that come into my mind was omg, u all came in my room before i tidy up my room.
@.@

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musical Accessories box and birthday card fﹰrom chaifong.
awwww. There’s a ballerina. When i open the box, it will turn and there is music. Thank you very much, chaifong. :)

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Birthday card and photo frame with photo of seven of us from choonhong and chikin.
The photo is taken last friday. Chikin bluff me that he wanna participate one digilive competition and have to take pic of frens.  Walaoooo. And i never doubt anything. #DUMB 
handmade birthday card yo. Hahaaha. Guys made time for doing this kind of stuff, i should really appreciate their effort. Terima kasih banyak banyak,gentlemen :)

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Brithday booklet from engsoon, birthday card and 手链 from stacy.
Xie xie  ni ,hiao de!! Was touched with the booklet u made. I ve made birthday card before. It aint an easy job, it is time-consuming. Really thankful that u are willing to make time for this.
Thanks for accompanying me 度过我生日的最后的几小时。:)
Hui, my appreciation towards what ve u done is unexpressable. Your surprise plan is success. I really dont expect that u will make surprises for me. Every detail of the plan never fail to surprise me.
A tight  hug is what i want to give you right now. But, nzp sure wont let. Hahaha. Dont let nzp 霸占 all ur time lah. I need you too ;)

Es and me get to 放孔明灯. Thus is what i wish for estan. “不要有女朋友,我还需要你” hahaha.

Three wishes of my 19th birthday :
1. My family and friends ping ping an an, healthy, happy,shi shi sun li.
2. Stpm get 4.0
3. Of course cannot tell. Of course it is about him.

If birthday wishes really will come true, 那该有多好。

Thanks for those who send their greetings through phone calls , texts, whatsapp, twitter, viber and fb. Thanks Nana ,for the secret recipe cake! Thanks michelle , for  the birthday card.

Thanks for wishing me thru text.
Not gonna mention how much it means to me again.
But i wanna ask, isit so hard to ask me out? Isit so hard to make some move to show that you cared about me? You ignore my msg sometimes. You dont like to chat with me sometimes. I can feel that.  Lol. Even people who is nt close to me, made birthday card for me. 

Anyway , my birthday is over.
Many feelings going on.
等待未知数, 想拥有的东西若即若离, 忽冷忽热是你的计划, 本已经平息的心,又再次大幅度的起伏, 如果你真的不想认真,干嘛来挑逗人家的感觉, 经常安抚自己要耐心等待,好花终究会开,等到何时是未知数,等不等得到也是未知数。

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